13 Year Old Awkward Girl

Dear 13 year old awkward girl,

    

     Let me start off by saying that you are one gawky, gangly, awkward creature, but I love ya nonetheless.  You will gain some weight and realize how skinny you were at this age--so FOR THE LOVE OF GOD cherish your size zero jeans because you seriously don't know what you have until it's gone (though there is a light at the end of the tunnel in that the whopping 10 bucks you get from selling them to Plato's Closet will go towards the purchase of some bigger, yet less embarrassing non Aeropostale jeans).  Don't fret that you don't have all the cool Abercrombie moose skin tight shirts or a Myspace complete with mirror pics because it allows 20 year old you to make fun all of her friends that did without feeling guilty--SO YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!

     Ummm, you should probably chill out on the whole AIM scene, for in a few years no one is going to care if they were under your "*beSt FrIEnds* or "AnNoying PPL" group.  OH.  You should definitely never mention the fact that your screen name is supergirl (after that song in Princess Diaries of course) to your future friends because it's seriously not okay and kinda makes 20 year old you wanna super HURL.  OH.  Never post that "surfing the Internet, oh NO here comes a huge wave!" away message ever again.  Don't try and be cool and post your new cell phone number as your away message because your braces, slicked back ponytail, and Target red bikini complete with monkeys that you begged your mom to buy you kinda negate any coolness you think you possess.  Lastly--if you think SmarterChild is the bomb.com, just wait till you meet Siri my friend ;)

    Your xanga is actually probably not funny at all to the general public (though 20 year old you still has that god awful, corny, is-she-really-laughing-at-her-own-jokes sense of humor and frequently reads said xanga for shits n gigs), but keep on writing because some weird Twitter website will be invented that is essentially a xanga reduced to 140 characters or less.  And you'll like randomly have a blog--so it's all good practice.     

   
    You'll never enjoy grinding or "freak dancing" as you so lovingly call it (?), so just continue to dwell in the shadows mouthing the words to "Get Out" at those junior high dances because I really don't want you to become THAT girl seriously dancing in the middle of a party that everyone stares at.  But you should maybe consider wearing a drop of makeup, taking your hair out of its ponytail, and wearing anything but that jean ruffled skirt.  Trust me, you'll thank me later.

    I understand you can't formulate sentences in the presence of adults/attractive boys/anyone but your close family and friends, but high school and college will (somewhat) help you at least carry on a conversation that doesn't leave the other person wondering if you're actually human.  You'll grow out of your American Eagle graphic tees (both literally and metaphorically) which is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.  Oh and apparently Mission Impossible is about your thousands of failed attempts at learning to dive, so, yeah, just accept defeat now and save yourself a few years of humiliation.

   You'll get your license at age 18 for the anxiety you face while playing Mario Kart on n64 translates into anxiety behind the wheel of a real car.  Your friends will begrudgingly drive you everywhere, but HEY you find out who your true friends are!  You'll go through this stage where you randomly laugh every time you see a guy your age.  Not sure why--just go with it.  The Facebook website that your older brother has (and that you creep on 24/7) becomes public, which is kinda cool for the first 4 years.  But Facebook will never compare to the cool snuggie that is a blanket with sleeves. Your favorite movie will still be Princess Diaries, favorite color will still be blue, you'll still cringe at sexual parts in movies and you'll randomly have a twitter account with 14,000 followers.  Weird. Awkward. Fun. Toodles.

WITH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES AND AWKWARD MOMENTS GALORE,

20 year old awkward girl

P.S. Where the hell did you stash Hilary Duff's Metamorphosis cd?!?!?!

    

YOLO

     I've gotten a lot of requests to do a blog post about the ever popular overused YOLO (this is actually 100% entirely false, I just wanted to feel important for a hot second, don't mind me).  Anywho, for those of you who have been living under a rock or have had your nose buried in The Hunger Games in an effort to finish them all before the premiere, YOLO=You Only Live Once (such a revelation).  As Drake thoughtfully points out in The Motto, "You Only Live Once, that's the motto."  So yeah, if it has Drake's stamp of approval, it's all right in my book.

    As any other awkward girl, I have personally embraced YOLO.  It's kinda cool that I can basically get away with murder, but I'm golden as long as I yell "YOLO!"  "YOLO!" would be appropriate to shout whilst retrieving the newspaper in one's fuzzy pink Limited Too robe that is ten sizes too small, playing Call Me Maybe at ear-shattering volume levels (still have an unhealthy obsession, but I'm okay with it), or YouTube-ing old Disney Channel Original Movies in class (or is that last one just me?). Needless to say, YOLO is our friend because now all the weird, awkward things we do are TOTALLY justified by casually tossing out a YOLO (this is actually completely untrue but it couldn't hurt right?)

P.S. Did I mention it's super fun to pull the whole "YOLO rhymes with (insert word that rhymes with YOLO here)" tweet which is always a good time.  A few examples are as follows:

"There's a reason fro-yo rhymes with YOLO" (this would be appropriate to say/tweet whilst, ya know, eating frozen yogurt).
"There's a reason Frodo rhymes with YOLO" (for all those Lord of the Rings enthusiasts, wherever you are).
"There's a reason solo rhymes with YOLO" (this is perfect for those single gals out there who are SiNgLe n ReaDy 2 MinGLe).
"There's a reason SOLO rhymes with YOLO" (for all those party animals are who planning on getting plastered and coming up with secret handshakes with complete strangers).
"There's a reason Rolo rhymes with YOLO" (okay okay this one's a stretch, but I'm sure someone somewhere who enjoys Rolos is reading this post).
"There's a reason airflow rhymes with YOLO" (hahaha because we can't breathe without air! ...so so sorry)
ETC.

So yeah, I'm gonna go dust off my old scooter and casually ride off into the night as my whispys blow gently in the wind because YOLO (actually I would probably never do that but, like, one could if one wanted to because YOLO!!.!!..!!!)

Peace, love, and my YOLO shirt that I ordered off Ebay (seriously, unfollow me)
Awkward Girl