The POC or "the girl that pisses out whole unicorns" as I like to fondly refer to her is the bane of any awkward girl's existence. Think the chubby "rainbows and butterflies" girl that "DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE," as Damien thoughtfully points out in Mean Girls. Except this girl does attend your school, is in your classes, shares mutual friends with you, and pops up EVERYWHERE. If you didn't know any better, you'd think she has her own personal Marauder's Map of your college campus and seeks you out--where ever you are, just to torture you endlessly.
We all know her and have had the unpleasant task of interacting with her. She will talk to ANYTHING and does not accept one word answers/grunts. You're holding a chem book in your hand as you enter the elevator? What a coinkydinc, because "OMG HER BF TOOK THAT CLASS LAST QUARTER AND SAID IT WAS SOOO HARD!" You're drinking a coffee in class. "IS THAT HAZELNUT I SMELL? SO JEAL, THAT'S MY FAV!" You're a hungover, lethargic college student walking to class Friday morning at the crack of dawn and you pass her in your dormitory lobby "HI! GOOD MORNING!" She's one of those people that you met at a party one time, yet she acts as if you used to take baths together as kids.
The whole time you converse with this Betty White clone, you are plotting your next move to flee the conversation. She KNOWS you loathe small talk, yet she still tries to have meaningful, drawn out conversations at parties, in elevators, and at the library (garnering heart-shattering stares from your peers which subsequently makes you wish the silly bandz on your wrist had sharp spikes that you could use to claw this POC's eyes out with). The POC's only redeeming quality is that she does always carry on the conversation (because God knows every conversation YOU'VE ever taken charge of seems to end in you awkwardly suggesting that "OMG WE SHOULD HANG!" even though just seconds before you were hiding behind a rack of clothes in the fetal position so as to avoid the wench), leaving you to simply nod, pity laugh, and spew an awkward sentence or two here and there. However, you always still end up tongue tied and feeling violated when the conversation finally comes to an awkward, abrupt halt (because you had to conveniently hurry off to pick up your dry cleaning that you "forgot").
POCs always grow up to be those annoying dentists that we all LOATHE who decide it'll be an AWESOME idea to ask the patient thought-provoking questions whilst their hands are flopping around lifelessly in the patient's mouth. "Sorry, what's your major/life plan/hopes and dreams? I couldn't quite understand you." No shit, Sherlock, it's hard to talk, let alone breathe, when your blocking my airway with your gorilla hands. There's a reason POC and doc rhyme, my friends. Yes, we have all encountered this painfully outgoing girl, whether it be in a dorm, office, class room, party, mall, parking garage, library, restaurant, chat room, animal shelter, etc. Unfortunately there is no known cure for this chick's painful outgoing-ness (except for maybe a serving of humble pie in the form of this blog post i.e. YOU NEED TO TONE IT DOWN POCs OF THE WORLD BEFORE US AWKWARD GIRLS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST!) as it has been nurtured from day one by equally annoying and self-absorbed parents whose minivan is easily spotted because of all the obnoxious, brightly colored bumper stickers, such as "My kid is an honor student" and "I love my basset hound."
The best thing you can do when you see this girl approaching you is to duck into the nearest alley/become suddenly engrossed in a "phone conversation"/run away screaming bloody murder because, believe me, this chick is like a dementor in that she will slowly suck out your awkward soul with every word she utters.
Peace, love, and Snuggies.
Awkward Girl
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