Halloweiner

     I am dreaming about the day where I will finally hear the crunch of freshly fallen leaves under my boots as I walk home from class with visions of my glorious snuggie dancing in my head and pumpkin spice latte in hand (I don't really drink coffee, I feel like you guys like those so I just sort of threw that in there).  In short--I NEED FALL NOW GUYS.  I leave my apartment looking (but not really) all "Frank Ocean smooth," but after a minute in this humidity I look all "Frankenstein disgusting."  Plus I don't think my shorts got the memo that only elevators are supposed to ride up. Needless to say, fall a.k.a. Halloween has been on my mind a ton lately.  SO I thought I'd come up with some clever/funny/stupid Halloween costumes for you fine young people (actually these are all complete jokes so don't take these too seriously or seriously at all)

Error 400 (for all you iphone users). This is for all you lazy people out there. You can wink and say "tap to retry" and a guy might respond with "I'll tap that" but if he's smart, he'll pour a cup of tap water on your head and you'll both laugh. Oh wait, he'll laugh. Just him.

Subtweet. Roll your eyes at everyone and everything and make really vague passive aggressive statements. You could carry a sub around if you want because you'll probably get hungry and it could add a comedic element, maybe, I mean I don't know how these things work.

Twitter.  Only topics you can discuss are as follows: the weather, the election, your miseries and woes, veganism, and pumpkin spice lattes.  When you're full of food or beverage just yell "Twitter is over capacity!" in the middle of the party and you're bound to get like half a chuckle.

Kashi 7 whole grains on a mission: make those uber cute itsy bitsy teeny weeny duct tape dresses (green obvi) and put the kashi logo on them and grab six of your girlfriends and wah lah! You could also carry fake guns (unless you're particularly ripped in the "arm department") to add to the mission aspect. Also, I came up with this on my own so IF YOU ACTUALLY DO THIS I WANT @AWKGRLPRBLMS SOMEWHERE ON IT.

Ted parody account. Have three mindless jokes about alcohol and bacon on shuffle all night.

Kristen Stewart. Slip on the drabbest outfit in your closet and just say um a lot and rub your hands through you hair and have a vacant stare on your face at all times.

Bruce Jenner's earring. Wear all silver. You're done.

A lock of Shaun White's hair. Wear all red. You're done. 

The -itos twins. As in like beef and chicken taquitos. 

Ice cream. Wear everyday normal clothes and then when a guy asks what you are, yell "I scream!" and then scream bloody murder because I don't know just do it and don't ask questions. 

Kim Kardashian's marriage. This works for extremely short people. If you're a toddler, this is perfect for you! 

Kevin McCallister. Khakis and a red sweater. When people ask who you are, just do the classic Home Alone hands on the face scream and HAHA, you're the hit of the party!

I don't know those are just a few ideas, guys. Feel free to tweet me your funny halloween ideas and don't hesitate to send pictures on the actual day!  

PEACE LOVE AND ICE CREAM.

Awkward Girl